Growing up and stuff

Charlie doesn't like the new colours. Two of you do. I don't know which was to turn...you had best vote, so I can choose whether to keep them or change them again... This is a democratic blog after all (kind of). I actually wanted to make it red (no party affiliation, it's just my favourite colour) but couldnt figure out the codes. Ironically I wanted to change the whole thing, and ended up with almost exactly the same colours except for the background.

So, anyhoo, I've been thinking about being a grown up. Not becoming one mind you, but being one.

It's the new job you see. It's making me be all responsible and stuff. I don't stay up until midnight watching Letterman. I don't get so horrendously drunk I sleep through my alarm and end up an hour late for work, and actually, I wouldn't even consider it. In fact, drinking during the week - unlikely to happen these days, except for the occasional, very civilised, glass of red wine with my girls (Yes Caza, I get to spend lots of quality time with you, and I am enjoying it very much. Antony jokes notwithstanding).

There's something else that comes with being a grown up and having a job I love. I care. Part of it is that I'm aware i'm on a time limit and don't want to feck it up, but also part of it is just actually working full time.

It's harder than being a student.

There, I said it. I've worked full time before, but I never really cared about my job. The hard thing about most of them was scraping myself out of bed to get there in the morning. Other than my job in Australia, which, I knew I was only there for a set period of time (which was good, because otherwise it would have been soul-destroying), so while I cared about the cause, I never cared about the job too much. So it was never hard work. Might have been hard on my feet or to stave off the boredom, but I never poured all of myself into it.

So when I was at b-school, it was hard work, because again, I cared. I wanted to do well (as too a lesser degree I didn at varsity). And I couldn't coast (whersas varsity - seven years, aside from about 4 months in Masters and Honours years, practically surfed my way through). I was willing to put in the 10 hour days learning teeline, the 12 hour days in broadcast, the humiliation of spending 2 hours being told how to cross the road (that last one was marginal). And while I hated it, I was willing to put up with working on the weekends, so I could afford to buy the two things dearest to a student's heart...coffee and alcohol.

Now I'm not. Now I want my 2 days a week off, because I'm knackered at the end of the week. I spend my days staring at a screen, with headphones on, bargaining with God for people to call me back or answer their phones, thinking about different ways to say things and different angles to tell the same story. I watch what everyone else is doing to make sure I'm doing it right, and so far, I think I am.

None of that is the fundamental difference between working and studying though. I always scoffed when my 'working friends' told me how different the 'real world' is. I always felt vaguely patronised, but (yes, you heard right) they were right. The thing is, now, I don't have any support. I don't have tutors telling me what I'm doing is right or wrong, I'm meant to feel (or know) that myself. While everyone at work is lovely, and completely helpful, I also don't want to ask, becasue I want to prove myself. And when I make a mistake, there's none of that 'he who never made a mistake never made anything' bollocks, I have to take responsibility for making the mistake. And own up to a boss who can be pretty scary.

So there's the difference. Aside from all the other stuff, like seeing pretty cool people around the corridor, getting to follow around sports stars, and actually hearing my voice on the radio, and knowing so do a whole lot of other people.

Oh, and I work pretty hard too. I was here at 8, it's now 7, and I've got a good hour of stuff to do. I'm waiting for someone to come back from dinner, which is why I'm writing this now.

Good lord, I think I might be growing up. Ack. Better go and buy some expensive and uncomfortable shoes.

Just to show my age, the best sign off ever..."be good, be kind and whatever you say or do, keep cool 'til after school'.