Alright dream interpreters, analyse this.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Hearing about someone else's dreams is the most boring thing in the world. But hey, you read my blog, so you know what? You are clearly starved for entertainment, so suck it up.

Dream # 1: I'm living in this house, which I have dreamt about before, which is perched on the side of a hill, kind of. You have to walk down a hill to get to our house, and we are the bottom floor. Similar to the house I live in now, but much more majestic. And in one of my other dreams, I discovered a downstairs floor that is part of my house that no one lives in.

So, in this dream, I'm going about my business, buying takeaways, and supermarket shopping, and window shopping for shoes, when I realised this little blond girl is following me around.

And then, of course, I realise she is my child. Because whyever not?

So, I took my child home, and we hung out in the creepy, empty downstairs flat, and then went and played in the garden (which is just outside said creepy flat) for a while. Then the child was being a brat (of course, any child of mine will definitly be a brat) and I got fed up, and was having a big whinge, when a tall man appeared in my garden, and helped me deal with the annoying child. We then went back to his house - which, oddly, was the downstairs flat - no longer creepy, but very modern, and nicely decorated, and me and the child stayed for dinner with he and his wife. Or possibly sister. That wasn't clear.

Dream # 2: I am a TV journalist. I am doorstepping a dodgy businessman (no information on who or why, annoyingly) and am doing a piece to cam outside the house, while we wait for the dodgy businessman to come home, when this massive black man comes out of the house, and through the huge iron gate, and tells me I'm not allowed to film there. To which I glibly respond, 'of course I can, I'm on public property'. His response? Basically, he beats the cr@p out of me. Punches me in the jaw and the stomach and the eye. And I woke up this morning with a sore jaw.

So, clearly, I'm losing it, right?